YEARS OF SEPTEMBER PROJECT

YEARS OF SEPTEMBER

MY BODY DOESN’T BLEED ANYMORE
BUT I BLED FOR ONE SEPTEMBER DAY
THE ONE YOU WERE BORN ON
THE ONE THAT I MOURN ON
IT RUMINATED
ALTHOUGH IT WAS PROBABLY JUST A COINCIDENCE

PRESSURED TO PERCEIVE CHILDREN AS A NECESSITY
CREATED TO BE A FAMILY ACCESSORY
I REMEMBER THE STONE IN YOUR WEDDING RING
IRONICALLY NAMED MYSELF AFTER SUCH A MISERABLE THING
A DECISION ENCOURAGED BY A SUBCONSCIOUS ATTEMPT OF CONNECTION?
A RESULT OF NEGLECT AND LACK OF AFFECTION?
PROBABLY JUST A COINCIDENCE

I BIRTHED MYSELF
IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE
SEPTEMBER BIRTHS SPRING
AND FOR A MONTH I COME UNDONE
MAUVE-PURPLE WISTERIAS HUG THE FENCE OF MY NEW HOME
PURPLE FEELS LIKE
WHEN ANGER TURNS INTO SADNESS
BUT NOT SADNESS ALONE
THE WEIGHT OF ONE EMOTION
DOES NOT PRECEDE THE OTHER
PURPLE IS THE COLOUR
OF ME AND MY MOTHER
WISTERIAS GROW WHEREVER I GO
THEY REMIND ME OF HER AND HER FATHER
IT’S PROBABLY JUST A COINCIDENCE
OR PERHAPS THAT’S JUST WHAT I WOULD RATHER

YOU ONCE LEFT A NOTE WITH A BOTTLE OF PERFUME
ON THE BEDSIDE TABLE
OF MY EARLY CHILDHOOD ROOM
A GIFT INSTEAD OF AN APOLOGY
LUCKY ON THE MACHINES THAT NIGHT I PRESUME
DID YOU THINK THE SCENT WOULD NULLIFY
THE BRUISES YOU LEFT
ON THE ROTTEN FRUIT OF YOUR WOMB?
I STILL WEAR THE SAME FRAGRANCE EVERY DAY
COINCIDENTALLY

SEPTEMBER IS THE LONGEST MONTH OF THE YEAR
NOT A WORD EXCHANGED BETWEEN US
I STILL HOLD YOU DEAR
BUT I CANNOT FORGET THE WAY
YOU ALWAYS WANTED ME TO DISAPPEAR
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING A SIX-YEAR-OLD
UNDERSTANDS OR WANTS TO HEAR
IT DOESN’T BECOME EASIER TO DIGEST
WHEN AGE AND REPETITION MAKE IT CLEAR
I WAS NEVER TAUGHT HOW TO GIVE OR RECEIVE LOVE
ONLY CONDITIONED TO LIVE WITH FEAR
AND IT’S NOT A COINCIDENCE

I DO NOT CARE THAT YOU GAVE ME THIS LIFE
YOU TRIED TO END IT ALL WITH A KNIFE
YOU SAID THE PAST CANNOT BE UNDONE
BUT THAT IS NOT AN APOLOGY, MUM
YOU WROTE THAT YOUR LOVE FOR ME WILL NEVER DIE
DO YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN I READ THAT AND CRY?

I THINK I SAW YOU IN THE SUPERMARKET FROM AFAR THE OTHER DAY
YOU DIDN’T SEE ME
PROBABLY WOULDN’T HAVE RECOGNISED ME ANYWAY
YOU CANNOT BE MY SPINE
IF YOU BREAK ALL MY BONES
I DON’T KNOW WHY I STILL LOVE YOU
ALL I KNOW IS THAT I MUST REBUILD MYSELF ALONE
WE WILL ALWAYS BE OIL AND WATER
SEPARATE BUT TOGETHER